Larry D. Lauer

Debating can teach you to argue your views and strive to out think your adversaries. But in the practical world of advancing institutions, nations, and causes I have learned that you can only move ideas forward by orchestrating win-win conclusions.

In the rare situation where you actually win the whole day, your adversary will inevitably and  immediately look for opportunities to reverse the situation, or at least just ignore the outcome. When it comes to countries, and even some aggressive organizations, the loser might actually go to the extreme of looking for revenge. The new communication landscape for all practical purposes then becomes more confusing and cluttered than ever.

Experience teaches that you are best advised to negotiate disagreements with a combination of persistence, patience and flexibility. As you proceed, your key objective should be to determine how you can improve your situation while agreeing to some improvements in your adversary’s situation as well.  The most stable outcome always will be one  where there is a clear “win-win.” 

At a later time, and on a new and different day, you might then consider new strategies for altering your previous agreement. Once the competitive moment passes, the climate is often much more conducive to  making additional incremental gains.

Today we tend to push positions to the extreme, and then fight for “my way or the highway.” But even when we win situations like this the loser is immediately plotting a complete reversal.  Your win then becomes no real win at all, and the lesson learned becomes “there must be a better way!”

So I suggest that you make sure you have a clear idea of your ultimate goal, but then be both patient and persistent as you go forward. Move your ideas ahead, but all the time look for what you can give up in order to make at least some progress. Structure a win-win proposal as you go, realizing that fully implementing big ideas must always be an ongoing process.